


Emptiness is a friend of mine

by ComposerEgg



Series: I don't deserve you [1]
Category: Subarashiki Kono Sekai | The World Ends With You
Genre: Depression, M/M, joshua pov, kinda onesided ship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-18 19:02:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11296857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ComposerEgg/pseuds/ComposerEgg
Summary: Guilt weighs heavy around his neck like the cloud of smoke around his head. Neku is a fire, bright color within a sea of grey. He doesn't deserve it.





	Emptiness is a friend of mine

There’s an emptiness inside of him as he watches Neku stand by himself at Hachiko. A swirling pit of darkness threatening to overtake him.

^Hey Josh, where are you? Weren’t we going to meet up today?^

The text is displayed on his phone screen, the buzz forcing him to look away from the boy below. The gnawing sense of shame grows, feeding into the cloudy haze inside.

 

_“Howdy partner, long time no see,” says Josh, leaning up against the CAT mural, a tentative smile on his face as he gives Neku a wave._

_Neku looks on in shock, eyes wide and mouth agape. His fists clench at his sides, but he doesn’t dash forward for a punch. Instead, he takes shaky steps closer, grabbing onto his wrist once the distance was closed._

_The grasp is tight. Neku has to know he can’t keep Josh here with it, but the sentiment is there. No leaving. Maybe a reassurance that he’s real._

_“Whose fucking fault is that?” comes the reply. “I’m not the one with magic powers and a different plane to hide in.”_

_“I had other matters to attend to.”_

_“It’s been_ five months _, Josh.” There is fire in those eyes, glaring him down, demanding an adequate explanation. A wildfire blaze, matched outwardly by his hair. Josh looks away._

_“Consequences for my actions, along with cowardice.”_

The burden of his guilt weighs him down in the form of two bullets dangling from a chain, hidden by his shirt. It burns through his body whenever his thoughts stray to the boy he killed.

Neku is a bonfire of Imagination, shining outwards from within. The brightest light in Shibuya, and like a moth, Joshua is drawn to him. The fire sends searing pain throughout his body, but the beauty is alluring, impossible to turn away from.

 

_Neku is covered in splashes of paint. Yellow rubbed against his cheeks, black coating his forehead, pink standing out against the old white shirt he’s wearing, his hair is half green._

_“You’ve got a little something, uh, here,” Josh says, gesturing to Neku’s entire body. It earns him a laugh that feeds the fire inside, warming him and driving the darkness of his own mind further back._

_“Really? Didn’t have a clue. For the record, you’ve got something right here,” he says, smearing slimy blue paint down one half of Josh’s nose. He recoils at the cold and the texture, but doesn’t rub at Neku’s mark on him._

_“My face is perfect no matter what you put on it. However, I’m gonna be mad in like ten minutes when this gets super itchy.”_

_That gets Neku to laugh again, and the scene before him should be in an art museum. The fire before him shines through in the paint everywhere, creativity blooming before his eyes. The way Neku bends over, eyes squinted as he smiles wide and his laughter fills the air. He’s bathed in sunlight and the marks of Imagination, artistry flowing out with a demand to leave no wall barren and boring._

_Sparks flutter around in his stomach, floating upward from the flame Neku has lit. They curl around his heart, giving off a warmth long absent in the wake of his death, and rarely felt in his life._

When a fire is sprayed with water, it gives off a smoke cloud to hang heavy in the air. The smog leeches color from the world, leaving his surrounds dark and grey and hopeless.

A flame of orange with sharp blue stands in the middle of this grayscale world, a reminder of what’s still good. Shibuya has been poisoned by him, but Neku still stands despite the pain Joshua has brought to him.

But if he keeps interfering, it’s only a matter of time until the fire is put out.

 

_Teardrops hit the floor of the Room of Reckoning as Neku tries to raise the gun. He manages, for a second, but he can’t bring himself to point it at Josh._

_He looks shocked, more than anything, when the bullet connects with his chest. Pain registers on an emotional scale for a second, before he goes into shock physically and mentally._

_Betrayal is the worst type of pain, because it requires you to trust the betrayer. Joshua had just dished it out on him again._

He turns away from the boy below. Flashes of memory, times Neku flinched away or looked at him in disgust due his words and actions, play out in his head.

Neku doesn’t need him causing anymore grief.

 

^Josh, I know you’re there. Come out.^

^What’s up? Something’s wrong or you’d be here already, making fun of my clothes or something.^

 

Josh turns off his phone, heading back to the throne room. The emptiness of the space echoes within you, familiar with the dull ache more than the pain and uncertainty accompanied by a flame.

Yeah, he doesn’t deserve the warmth that Neku brings at all.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed my unbeta'd 2am empty hole depression vent writing. If you did _please **leave a comment.**_ I would super love you if you do! Doesn't have to be eloquent or worded anything is good! Kudos say you made it to the end of the fic yeah, but comments express far better your emotions.
> 
> You can find me at [composeregg](http://composeregg.tumblr.com/) on tumblr. I've got a ton more twewy fics on ao3 and if you haven't checked those out and liked this I'd love it if you did!
> 
> Music I listened to while writing this: [Voidfish (Plural)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FeFGfulFWPY). Good song, instrumental.
> 
> EDIT: [I have a twewy discord now! It's here!](https://discord.gg/pEADe9J)


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